Posts tagged ‘gross’

The Problem With Girls…

Ok, Please do not pelt rocks at me. Let me start off by saying that I love women. Whether they be big (hey, i dedicated a whole post to this here ) or tiny, blond, brunette, white, black, caramel of yellow- I love them all! I don’t discriminate, ok? But there are some things that I cannot live with! These things drive me nuts and turn me way off! I have an extreme problem with girls who:

1. Have hair on places besides their head- Ok, that’s a little too exaggerated, some hair in the lower region is acceptable, but c’mon!Let’s keep our bushes tidy! What drives me crazy though are hairy legs and God forbid this… Hairy armpits! That’s just freaking wrong man! I don’t wanna feel like I’m dating a hairy guy. Let me have the hair in the weird places, ok, and you stay the nice and smooth one!
julia_roberts_hairy_armpit.jpg

2. I hate it when some girls don’t have an opinion– “Honey, what’ do you think of a vacation somewhere in Vietnam?” “Sure, honey”, “What about a vacation at that beer place down the road?” “Sure honey, anything you say!”. Please woman, have an opinion! I will admit that I am stupid and I cannot read your mind.

3. Don’t act dumb!– One of the reasons I decided to date you was because I found your intelligence attractive! Please don’t suddenly act helpless, or you suddenly don’t know how to do things you used to be good at. It won’t make me feel macho, it will just make me think you or I have multiple personality disorder!

4. Another pet peeve is when girls have personal hygiene issues- Girls, you’re girls! I know this is stereotypical but you’re the ones who are supposed to smell clean and fresh and nice all the time! The whole universe would lose all its sense of order if you didn’t! Please do not skip the necessary shower and perfume spritz in the interest of say, saving time! I’m telling you now: It’s not worth it!!! Other guys might kill me for saying this, but I don’t mind the extra wait as long as when my girl comes out, she looks, smells and feels like a girl!

5. Lastly- Girls, why do you say nothing when I ask you what’s wrong and clearly something is? Why say no when you mean yes? And why say”I guess its ok” when you mean no? I’m a guy, I’m dumb and I will take what you say. I won’t be able to pick up if that no is really a yes until a girl decoder is invented! (What’s taking you so long, Steve Jobs? Bill Gates?)

Let me just end this by saying that again, I love girls! And these pet peeves aren’t ridiculous right? They still fall under the sphere of normal?! Guys, do I have a point? And girls, what are your guy pet peeves?

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March 31, 2008 at 11:13 pm 6 comments

Uhhh…I Wouldn’t Eat There If I Were You

The world over is full of amazing places to go, adventures to take and awesome meals to partake in. I for one am a firm believer that you the true way to get the flavor of any place is to try its food. I’m no sissy eater, is what I’m trying to say. I’m willing to try anything once and I go by the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. However, when I heard about these umm, shall we say…weird restaurant names, I found myself faced with hesitation. A man, a real man, mind you, has got to know when to draw the line. And I draw the line at these weird sounding restaurant names and for the disturbing thoughts and ideas that go in my head upon hearing of them. Here are my top 5.

1. The Elegant Dump– This restaurant in Nantucket was supposedly open for years! Why? I don’t understand! When I hear the word dump, I think of number 2, the toilet, relieving myself, or whatever you want to call it! I don’t want to eat in a place that I associate with shitting, thanks very much!

2. A place in Memphis that sold hot dogs was called…Doggy Style Hotdogs. Umm, Maybe on a drunken night with my friends I would consider grabbing a bite, but not when I’m with my innocent little nieces and nephews, or my proper parents! I don’t know who’d die first of embarrassment!

3. Cheezus Crust– This place supposedly serves Pizza..with what I might ask? Some scripture and a Virgin Mary Martini on the side? I’ll take my religion in the church please, and not in a pizza parlor.

4. Chewy Balls– God only knows what they sold in this restaurant in Houston! This is not funny people! It makes horrible, painful nightmares about someone cutting off my personal lower region and enjoying them for break fast all too real! Nooooo!!!! The name just makes my lower areas hurt!

5. This is the last and my absolute favorite! Has anybody ever gone to Dirty Dick’s? You’ll never believe what they serve too…Crabs!!! Can you imagine the conversation? I got crabs at Dirty Dicks! They were soo good…Really hit the spot! Sounds appealing right?…Wrong..The only thing this sounds to me is itchy, gross and oh, did I mention wrong?.. just plain wrong!

So, the next time you want to go somewhere, don’t randomly consult some know-it-all bozo for the best place to eat. Do your research, go online and maybe get some genuinely good travel tips . And when you end up in a really nice, really classy 5 star restaurant, don’t forget to think of me, and say a silent prayer that you didn’t end up having dinner in possibly nasty and absolutely questionable Chewy Balls instead!

Cheers!

March 24, 2008 at 3:45 am Leave a comment


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