Posts tagged ‘funny’

The Problem With Girls…

Ok, Please do not pelt rocks at me. Let me start off by saying that I love women. Whether they be big (hey, i dedicated a whole post to this here ) or tiny, blond, brunette, white, black, caramel of yellow- I love them all! I don’t discriminate, ok? But there are some things that I cannot live with! These things drive me nuts and turn me way off! I have an extreme problem with girls who:

1. Have hair on places besides their head- Ok, that’s a little too exaggerated, some hair in the lower region is acceptable, but c’mon!Let’s keep our bushes tidy! What drives me crazy though are hairy legs and God forbid this… Hairy armpits! That’s just freaking wrong man! I don’t wanna feel like I’m dating a hairy guy. Let me have the hair in the weird places, ok, and you stay the nice and smooth one!
julia_roberts_hairy_armpit.jpg

2. I hate it when some girls don’t have an opinion– “Honey, what’ do you think of a vacation somewhere in Vietnam?” “Sure, honey”, “What about a vacation at that beer place down the road?” “Sure honey, anything you say!”. Please woman, have an opinion! I will admit that I am stupid and I cannot read your mind.

3. Don’t act dumb!– One of the reasons I decided to date you was because I found your intelligence attractive! Please don’t suddenly act helpless, or you suddenly don’t know how to do things you used to be good at. It won’t make me feel macho, it will just make me think you or I have multiple personality disorder!

4. Another pet peeve is when girls have personal hygiene issues- Girls, you’re girls! I know this is stereotypical but you’re the ones who are supposed to smell clean and fresh and nice all the time! The whole universe would lose all its sense of order if you didn’t! Please do not skip the necessary shower and perfume spritz in the interest of say, saving time! I’m telling you now: It’s not worth it!!! Other guys might kill me for saying this, but I don’t mind the extra wait as long as when my girl comes out, she looks, smells and feels like a girl!

5. Lastly- Girls, why do you say nothing when I ask you what’s wrong and clearly something is? Why say no when you mean yes? And why say”I guess its ok” when you mean no? I’m a guy, I’m dumb and I will take what you say. I won’t be able to pick up if that no is really a yes until a girl decoder is invented! (What’s taking you so long, Steve Jobs? Bill Gates?)

Let me just end this by saying that again, I love girls! And these pet peeves aren’t ridiculous right? They still fall under the sphere of normal?! Guys, do I have a point? And girls, what are your guy pet peeves?

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March 31, 2008 at 11:13 pm 6 comments

Supermutant Powers! What Would You Choose?

Ok, let’s throw the gloves out if the window. Let’s not pretend to be mature and intellectual. Let’s all just let go of work, of school, of girl problems and of all things stressful in our life. Let’s go back basics, being 10 and carefree! What I’m trying to segway here is that let’s all just sit back and talk about mutants, and superpowers, and super mutant powers! If you could be a super mutant and given a super power, what would it be? As for me, I’ve narrowed it down to 5! I called it ok, so you better not get mine and come up with your own! πŸ˜›

Here’s mine

1. Teleporting– The movie Jumper inspired me on this one! I walked out of the theater insanely jealous! Imagine if you could wake up, go for a morning surf in South Africa, stop for lunch in Greece, and spend the night in a luxurious hotel in the Caribbean . That would be the life!

2.Invisibility– Like Sue Storm of the Fantastic 4, the power of invisibility would be something that I could use. I could walk in and out of places unnoticed. I could skip work a little, grab some coffee, maybe a stroll in the park, and no one would be the wiser. Invisibility would aslo come in handy in a fight. No one would be able to see me and I could beat them up.

3. The ability to control time– This power would be convenient for correcting those stupid mistakes, or for when you need that extra minute or hour to get something done. If you could control time, you could make it go back, speed up, slow down and go forward to your convenience!

4. This power I wanna call Brilliant Brain– If I had supreme intelligence, I’d be able to figure my way out of any dilemma I managed to land in the first place! I’d think up ways to cure Aids, Cancer and even the common cold! I will come up with solutions to war and poverty! Everybody will love me, especially the ladies! πŸ˜€

5. Lastly, I would want to be able to read another person’s mind! Then I’d find out what you actually think of me and my shirt! I would know what my friends and my picky mom really want for Christmas and Birthdays. That would sure save me on shopping time and effort! Again, everybody would love me (And isn’t that always the end goal that superheroes aim for?!)

I don’t know what’s better than getting any of these superpowers, maybe if I managed to get them all! That’d be sweet! What are your top picks for superpowers? I’d like to see you top mine! We could have a super battle!!! The possibilities are endless…

March 28, 2008 at 3:44 am 3 comments

Funny Sex Quotes!( Woody Allen, YOU are GOD!)

It seems that my last post got a little reaction. A few of them maybe southbound, and I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody. Most of the reactions thankfully were more positive. I’m glad there are seemingly a lot of people out there who share my sense of humor.

I stumbled on these quotes on dating and sex, well ok, mostly sex, that had me laughing my butt off . Billie Crysta, Woody Allen and all the rest of you- You are my new idols! These are gold! LOL.

Hopefully, may all of you enjoy this little compilation too, AND feel free to add and share your personal favorites!!!

“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you’re going to get, or how long it will last!”

– anonymous

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place”- Billie Crystal

“Don’t knock the masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love!”- Woody Allen

“Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you’re not getting any”- Unknown

“A terrible thing happened to me last night again. Nothing”- Phylis Diller

“It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on!”- Marilyn Monroe

“Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them!”- Steve Martin

And since it is technically Holy Monday, it’s nice to get a quote from someone who’s close to the big guy above!

“Oh Lord, Give me Chastity.But do not give it yet!” – St. Augustine

Here’s some funny Russel Peters Sex Stand-up for you:

Happy Monday everyone! Peace!:)

March 17, 2008 at 4:16 am 3 comments


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