Posts tagged ‘food’

Uhhh…I Wouldn’t Eat There If I Were You

The world over is full of amazing places to go, adventures to take and awesome meals to partake in. I for one am a firm believer that you the true way to get the flavor of any place is to try its food. I’m no sissy eater, is what I’m trying to say. I’m willing to try anything once and I go by the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. However, when I heard about these umm, shall we say…weird restaurant names, I found myself faced with hesitation. A man, a real man, mind you, has got to know when to draw the line. And I draw the line at these weird sounding restaurant names and for the disturbing thoughts and ideas that go in my head upon hearing of them. Here are my top 5.

1. The Elegant Dump– This restaurant in Nantucket was supposedly open for years! Why? I don’t understand! When I hear the word dump, I think of number 2, the toilet, relieving myself, or whatever you want to call it! I don’t want to eat in a place that I associate with shitting, thanks very much!

2. A place in Memphis that sold hot dogs was called…Doggy Style Hotdogs. Umm, Maybe on a drunken night with my friends I would consider grabbing a bite, but not when I’m with my innocent little nieces and nephews, or my proper parents! I don’t know who’d die first of embarrassment!

3. Cheezus Crust– This place supposedly serves Pizza..with what I might ask? Some scripture and a Virgin Mary Martini on the side? I’ll take my religion in the church please, and not in a pizza parlor.

4. Chewy Balls– God only knows what they sold in this restaurant in Houston! This is not funny people! It makes horrible, painful nightmares about someone cutting off my personal lower region and enjoying them for break fast all too real! Nooooo!!!! The name just makes my lower areas hurt!

5. This is the last and my absolute favorite! Has anybody ever gone to Dirty Dick’s? You’ll never believe what they serve too…Crabs!!! Can you imagine the conversation? I got crabs at Dirty Dicks! They were soo good…Really hit the spot! Sounds appealing right?…Wrong..The only thing this sounds to me is itchy, gross and oh, did I mention wrong?.. just plain wrong!

So, the next time you want to go somewhere, don’t randomly consult some know-it-all bozo for the best place to eat. Do your research, go online and maybe get some genuinely good travel tips . And when you end up in a really nice, really classy 5 star restaurant, don’t forget to think of me, and say a silent prayer that you didn’t end up having dinner in possibly nasty and absolutely questionable Chewy Balls instead!

Cheers!

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March 24, 2008 at 3:45 am Leave a comment

5 Reasons Why You Should Date a Fat..Err..Voluptuous Girl NOW!

Bored and somewhat in denial of the long lists of tasks that I had to accomplish yesterday, I slipped into my age-old habit of seeing what was out there on cyberspace. Interestingly enough, I came across this blog post – a discussion of sorts as to why geeks make good lovers.It seems that girls are always hesitant on the geeks, no? This launched my own thoughts on what kind of girls we guys are always hesitant on. And then it hit me- Fat chicks..Uhhh..I think the more politically correct term would be Vertically challenged OR healthy. Anyway, as an answer of sorts, I’ve compiled my own reasons on why Healthy Chicks make better lovers! In no particular order, they are:

1. Big girls are nicer to hug and cuddle with. A girl of skin and bones proportion would be nothing but hard edges and planes. Ouch! That’s sure to give you a bruising, especially with all the activities you’ll be doing in bed! Compare that to a voluptuous girl, and its like comparing a rock to a pillow! No contest!

2. You can engage in weight-shedding activities TOGETHER. The work is all finished for a thin girl, she has no more “body” goals to aspire for. With a heavy honey, its different, especially if you’re on a personal quest for a better bod too! You can enroll in a gym together, or take up a new sport, maybe go for a walk, a run, a hike. It doesn’t matter! This personal experience will assure that you get to spend lots of time together and grow closer in the process!

3. A fat girl will always want to go on exotic vacations! You don’t get this one? Well, a big girl might be conscious to strut her stuff around people that might whisper and gossip about her. Because of this, she’ll always want to go on secluded little places like this and this where people don’t know her, or care ! There, she can show you the fruits of her laborious gym workouts in the shape of a sexy bikini!

4. You won’t have to go into weird restaurants to eat! Do you notice than skinny gals are always up to try that new vegan bar or that south beach café by the corner?! It can drive you nuts! Eliminate this problem when you date healthy! From eat-all-you-can buffets to KFC, the world is yours on a platter! Literally! Bring on them chicken wings!!

5. You won’t have sleepless nights of insecurity and jealousy! Picture this, you’re in a club with your thin girlfriend. What happens next? Some douchebag ultimately tries to hit on her! Not good! Especially if the douchebag has that Brad Pitt appeal that so many girls seem to find irresistible! Non-converts unlike you will always go for the skinny girl to hit on! If you date a voluptuous beauty, chances are, no one will go up to her, and you can count on an uninterrupted night of dancing!Have I converted you yet? I’ll put it simply- FAT GIRLS ROCK! And they’re only good until supply lasts, so you better snag yours today :p

March 13, 2008 at 3:04 am 22 comments

8 Suave Tips for the Big Date

Okay, so you blew it.

Valentine’s, that lunch, that little coffee break. It doesn’t matter — there may be at least one point in your life that you’ve totally freaked out a date by your … manners. Or, say, you won an epicurean delight adventure thing, and don’t want to make a fool of yourself.  I mean, if that’s how you eat ‘round your buddies, it shouldn’t matter to her, right? Wrong. Having good manners while dining doesn’t necessarily equate to showing off. Manners are supposed to stem from home, meaning, when you pig out in public, did you learn that at home? Here are a couple of tips for when you’re on a date.

  1. Basic proper hygiene. A meal only happens once in your life. You have to make each one special. Clip your fingernails, comb your hair, dress in clean clothes and wash your hands before eating. (And, after using the facilities)
  2. Never spring for a restaurant’s most expensive meal on the get-go. Chances are, these don’t get ordered too often, and would just hassle the chefs. Ask what their specialty is, and get that. If you’ve been to THAT particular restaurant before, you’ll be in-the-know of what the best meal is to get.
  3. Address your waiter/waitress by name. They should have nametags on ‘em, or, you could ask. It adds a personal touch to your meal when you know who to thank for serving you. Plus, if you return to that restaurant, they will remember you.
  4. Utensil use. Don’t be confused if you don’t spot a spoon by your dish. Simplicity: if there’s a fork, then that will be your food-shovel. If there’s a knife, then that’s what will saw down the meat, while the shovel’s holding it down of course.
  5. Napkin use. There are cloth and paper napkins. You may keep the cloth one on your lap, to avoid spills, then wiping your mouth in-between bites, or you could wear it like a bib. The paper ones are useful — you can wrap them around your glass, and you may use them to wipe your mouth as well. NEVER crumple your napkins. If you need to wipe and there’s stuff on your napkin, fold it in half, then use that side to wipe. Place them neatly at the side of your plate after use. Not only will your post-meal-plate look good, the service staff will thank you as well.
  6. Don’t take calls or messages while eating. I personally find it very rude when someone I’m in conversation with pulls out a phone and starts texting away, even while I’m still eating. You shouldn’t do the same as well. If your date starts doing it, say you aren’t comfortable with it and you find it rude. If your date, however, really needs to take a call (a parent asking where her daughter is, stuff like that) ask her to make the call away from the table.
  7. As an add-on to the last rule, constant watch-checking is really annoying. Your date notices it, I notice it — does the other person REALLY have some other place she’d rather be? A date’s a date, meaning, you set aside other things lined up in your schedule to make it. There’s no sense in not following your own schedule.
  8. Tip well. Even if the food was lousy, leave a tip. (Just don’t return to that particular restaurant) Hey, you’re already addressing the person serving you by name, the least you could do is return the courtesy and hospitality he’s showing you. Plus, this will definitely make you remembered by the staff. 12-15% tips are good. When a waiter does something terribly nice for you, (and wasn’t expecting a tip) build him up in front of his manager, then do that slick, “faux-handshake-money-pass” move.

February 22, 2008 at 10:57 am 3 comments

Seoul: Soul Food for Travelers You Will Miss

While designer boutiques and cafes spring up in Seoul, I will share with you my travel experience with some sections of Seoul. This capital of South Korea offers silk worm snack foods and street jazz.

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The place. It was a clear spring evening, outside Tongdaenum stadium, west of Seoul. Hundreds of teenagers mill around waiting for the clock to strike 8 p.m. I wonder if it is not a soccer match or a pop concert they have come to see. Their excitable chatter would lead me to believe otherwise.

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Oh I see! The big attraction lies across the road at the Migliore department store. 14th floors of thrifty glamour fashions and the latest arcade dance machines. Or maybe a guest pop group appearance awaits the crowd. Migliore’s night-owl business hours (8 p.m. to 5 a.m. daily) have made it a beacon for Seoul’s restless and hip-to-the-groove youth. And at 8:06 p.m. the first transactions are rung though. Less than eight hours after Migliore closes its doors, another hive of shopping opportunity will abuzz on the other side of the city.

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We inched our way up the base of the imposing Mount Namsan, Myong-dong district, a new face of Seoul. Here we saw sleek office complexes rise over bustling local markets, Eastern and Western fashions. Coffee is the beverage of choice.

korea-myong.jpgThe food. Commerce is certainly the force driving the capital these days. But I find it’s worth noting about our travel to Seoul is when dinner time approaches. All our wheeling and dealing, haggling and bartering, suddenly stops. We and the citizens of Seoul get down to the very serious business of eating and drinking.

I believe that there is a growing demand for traditional home-cooked food that has created an enormous range of dining possibilities for travelers and visitors to Seoul. I find it the most challenging part of dining out in Seoul is where to pull up a seat at hundreds of food stalls, restaurants and even street kitchens.

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We sit down at one of these stalls and found out our fellow diners could be a mechanic chewing thoughtfully on a pig’s trotter. I saw a group of immaculately-dressed office ladies tucking into a fish head stew. I find the aromas of their dishes excite, and at the same time, completely confuse my senses. I’m still curious, odors fill the night air along the north side of Jongno Street back towards the Seoul’s city center. Oh! It’s peondaegi, or boiled silkworm larvae, wafting from dozens of street carts.

seoul.jpgOutside Danseonsa Theater, I spied elderly women spooning steaming critters into paper cups and selling them to passers-by for US$0.95 (1,000 won). I speared them with the toothpick provided and I swallow it as quickly as possible. It is at the back of T’apkol Park that I finally found an antidote for the powerful silkworm aftertaste. There are a handful of stores specializing in traditional medicine, called hanyak. Clusters in the alleys to the north, are easily recognizable by the bell jars of snake wine in their windows.

korea-snake-wine.jpgTogether with dried reptiles, exotic-smelling herbs and animal parts, snake meat soup called paem t’ang (don’t know if I spelled it correctly), and snake wine, called paem sul. At Cheung Jin Ok restaurant, opened in 1937, located in Jongno district my problem was solved. There is only one dish to choose from, hae jang or the coagulated cow’s blood broth served with extra spicy kimch’i.

kimchi.jpgDid you know? Kimchi is an absolute necessity in every Korean meal and can be made from one or more kinds of vegetables including Chinese cabbage, radish by seasoning and salting them with garlic, scallion ginger, chili and fish sauce.

January 23, 2008 at 4:01 am Leave a comment


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