Uhhh…I Wouldn’t Eat There If I Were You

The world over is full of amazing places to go, adventures to take and awesome meals to partake in. I for one am a firm believer that you the true way to get the flavor of any place is to try its food. I’m no sissy eater, is what I’m trying to say. I’m willing to try anything once and I go by the saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. However, when I heard about these umm, shall we say…weird restaurant names, I found myself faced with hesitation. A man, a real man, mind you, has got to know when to draw the line. And I draw the line at these weird sounding restaurant names and for the disturbing thoughts and ideas that go in my head upon hearing of them. Here are my top 5.

1. The Elegant Dump– This restaurant in Nantucket was supposedly open for years! Why? I don’t understand! When I hear the word dump, I think of number 2, the toilet, relieving myself, or whatever you want to call it! I don’t want to eat in a place that I associate with shitting, thanks very much!

2. A place in Memphis that sold hot dogs was called…Doggy Style Hotdogs. Umm, Maybe on a drunken night with my friends I would consider grabbing a bite, but not when I’m with my innocent little nieces and nephews, or my proper parents! I don’t know who’d die first of embarrassment!

3. Cheezus Crust– This place supposedly serves Pizza..with what I might ask? Some scripture and a Virgin Mary Martini on the side? I’ll take my religion in the church please, and not in a pizza parlor.

4. Chewy Balls– God only knows what they sold in this restaurant in Houston! This is not funny people! It makes horrible, painful nightmares about someone cutting off my personal lower region and enjoying them for break fast all too real! Nooooo!!!! The name just makes my lower areas hurt!

5. This is the last and my absolute favorite! Has anybody ever gone to Dirty Dick’s? You’ll never believe what they serve too…Crabs!!! Can you imagine the conversation? I got crabs at Dirty Dicks! They were soo good…Really hit the spot! Sounds appealing right?…Wrong..The only thing this sounds to me is itchy, gross and oh, did I mention wrong?.. just plain wrong!

So, the next time you want to go somewhere, don’t randomly consult some know-it-all bozo for the best place to eat. Do your research, go online and maybe get some genuinely good travel tips . And when you end up in a really nice, really classy 5 star restaurant, don’t forget to think of me, and say a silent prayer that you didn’t end up having dinner in possibly nasty and absolutely questionable Chewy Balls instead!

Cheers!